a friend passed away a few months ago and it only really hit me today that i'll never see her again, our last time spent together was so short and i was so anxious.. i had basically forgotten that we were friends somehow, forgotten all of the extensive conversations that we'd had about so much stuff. instead i was just nervous about impressing her, i remember i wanted to cuddle and hold hands and kiss her or something but i was too anxious to just ask, so instead i left her alone and went home. i really feel like i shouldn't have left her alone. that's become a theme this year- most of my friends can't be left alone anymore
everyone who knew her, knew that she was special, and this gets said for a lot of people but e really was special! in so many ways! and it's hard to think that she's gone forever, so absolutely forever that all her belongings have been distributed and fought over, most of the facebook posts have stopped finally, and now we're all left in the late and uncomfortable silence
It feels late to start expressing my grief now, only because all of the wailers that took up so much online space before. i imagine people who didnt know or like her might be sick of hearing about her by now and im like... for some reason, more afraid of displeasing those types than i am of expressing my feelings about a dead friend on my own page. lol.